“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” ~ J.D. Rockefeller

One month. Surgery is one month from today. I CANNOT WAIT. Am I afraid? People ask me that all the time. Am I getting nervous? Hell no. I am not afraid or nervous or anxious or worried. I am ready. 

 

In many ways, I feel like this is a decision I have been in the process of making my whole life. When you’re fat, you think about being fat all the time. You are reminded of your size in nearly every moment of your day. From getting dressed in the morning to making decisions about eating to worrying about fitting into spaces, you are confronted by your body and you think, “How did I let this happen?” It confronts you when you are going to school, when you are looking for a job, when you date. You think people are looking at you, judging you, talking about you…all the time. With every rejection, you wonder how much of a role your weight had in it. It becomes something that’s easy to blame so that sometimes you don’t have to face the real reasons why you failed or fell short. While I know my eating and exercising habits are choices I make, they really feel out of my control so much of the time. Choosing surgery was empowering. When I finally made this decision, I was relieved. So, am I scared? Hell no. And I don’t think about being fat all the time anymore. I am embracing my inner thinness :)

I have done the research I need to do. I understand the surgical procedure, the risks, and the benefits. I know and trust my doctor and his team; I am confident in their abilities. I am having the surgery in the best hospital in the world. I am surrounded by people who love and support me and will take good care of me as I recover. And, while I don’t often talk about my faith openly, I believe in God. He knows what the outcome of the surgery will be – this is part of the path He planned for me to take and I trust that He knows what He’s doing.

I’m not worried so you don’t need to worry. The only thing any of you need to worry about is whose job it’s going to be to make sure I dress appropriately once I am thin. I am excited for the rest of my life. My life thus far has been pretty amazing but my weight has always been the one obstacle I wasn’t able to overcome. That’s about to change…in 30 days.