So, are you ready for the numbers? I had several pre-op appointments yesterday and I was a bit surprised to
learn that I have lost 18 pounds since I began meeting with the
dietitian on August 8. On that date, I weighed 266 pounds. I had
just been forced to purchase 2 new pairs of size 22 pants for work
because everything else was too tight. Yesterday I weighed 248
pounds and I haven't been able to wear those 2 pairs of pants for
several weeks. I have settled back into my comfortable size 20 pants and they are getting loose too. Now, telling you all of that was hard. It was the hardest thing I've posted in this blog so far and, as I typed it, I felt my heart begin to race and my temperature went up a few notches. In my head, I asked myself, "Are you actually going to post this?" Yes. I said I would and I am. Even the 266 pounds in August is not the heaviest I've ever been. During the darkest part of my marriage, just before I got fed up enough to file for divorce, I weighed 285 pounds. Like I said, it's been a lifelong struggle.
I have not set a goal weight. I have no idea how to do that. I keep saying that I'll know when I get there. I just know I want to get below 200 pounds and stay there. I had a great IM conversation with my cousin the other day and we discussed being able to ride a roller coaster. Normal sized people don't have to worry about that but, when you're overweight, the seat belts don't always fit. Same thing with airplanes. You can ask for a seat belt extension but that's embarrassing. I want to ride in roller coasters and airplanes without fear of seat belts not fitting around my middle. I want to weigh less than the men I date. And, I don't want to buy plus-size clothing ever again. When I can do all of those things, then I think I will be at or near my goal weight.
There are just five days to go until the surgery...I have a hard time wrapping my head around that...five days. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...that's it. I've had all this time to get ready and there's still so much left to do. I have a shopping list of "stuff": three prescriptions from the doctor, so I have them ready when I get home; general household things like toothpaste and dog food that I don't want to have to ask my caregivers to run out and pick up for me; last minute holiday items; food for a clear liquid diet I have to convert to on Monday evening that I didn't find out about until yesterday; etc. Then I have a "to-do" list: laundry, clean house, finish tasks at work, see friends on Saturday, massage on Sunday, download books to my Kindle, pack my overnight bag, etc.
I won't know until Tuesday what time the surgery will be on Wednesday and that is completely messing with my OCD and my mom's OCD. We want to have all of the details planned out about where everyone will stay the night before (my house or my sister's house), what time we will leave for the hospital, and who will drive but we just can't do that yet and it's making us both mad. AND my mom is threatening to spend the night in the hospital with me. You can imagine how I feel about that. My dear, sweet friend Mary has begged me to cut my mom some slack. I'm trying, Mary, I really am, but she's still not staying!
No comments:
Post a Comment